As I slipped into my nightly slumber I quickly found myself prepping for an unknown Military Mission. Anxiety was overtaking me as I was ill-prepared for this unknown mission. I don’t really know what I needed I just know I didn’t have it. So I decided to lie as if I had what I needed just so I didn’t disappoint. I just figured once I got to wherever the hell I was going I would figure it out.
Hundreds of Soldiers were standing inside of a large warehouse-like structure. They were all preparing to go somewhere, where I just don’t know. Myself and my buddy D were standing on a metal landing above all of them talking in jibberish about what we’re about to get into. He asked if I had what I needed and I simply said sure. We grabbed our stuff and off towards the bus we headed.
We began to load onto this small bus that appeared to only hold about 24-30 people yet we were cramming in 2 and 3 to a seat. The bus reminded me of the small buses we rode in when I was in Saudi Arabia and other foreign areas. We called them terrorist buses. The driver appeared to be a drunken Middleeasterner who didn’t say much. We crammed into a set me and D next to each other talking about recent books we have read. The bus driver then slammed the door shut put the bus into first gear and began to head down the road.
Our journey was in what appeared to be the Italian countryside. Unfinished roads with cobblestone bridges and culverts all along the road. The road was winding and on the side of a mountain. The driver was picking up the pace and the bus swaying left and right like an out-of-control ship in a stormy seascape. D and I began to take notice of this and grabbed the back of the seat in front of us with a tight grip. We continued to talk as everything was okay for the most part because we were accustomed to this style of travel.
It was then that the driver began to lose control around one of the curves. The bus ran off the road, the driver attempted to overcorrect the bus back onto the road, and that’s when we fired off of a cliff. The anxiety felt real, deep down like oh fuck we are going to die type anxiety. It was no more than a second or two that I realized we were falling more like we were in the scene from Grand Theft Auto rather than plummeting to our death.
The bus rocked forward, backward, left, and right. As we descended down the mountain I could see out of the front window. We were quickly approaching a mega-sized bush that was in the shape of a Lama. This was going to save us, all we had to do was brace for impact. We entered the bush around the head of the Lama and slowly slide through it until, well nothing just blank space in my head. The impact did jolt us enough for me to feel something in my back in my dream and in real life (this is probably not in my head but my 6 years olds feet digging into my back and now that experience is entering my dream).
When I woke up I was in an Italian Villa, well that is what I told myself. I was lying face down on an elevated floor next to D and a third unknown person. The three of us all had issues with our backs and had no clue where we were. D and I figured we would hang until someone could find us or we could go back and join the mission we were attended to be on.
As I was laying there I could hear a voice behind me. I couldn’t make out who it was behind or what she was saying, I believe it was medical jargon, or at least that’s what I told myself. Then I felt her hands on my back evaluating the tightness I was feeling. She then began to comment on the size of my calves and called me thick. NO Shit lady, even in my dreams I have to be reminded that I am on the thick side.
All of a sudden she was gone, and I was talking to D again. For whatever reason I kept rolling towards him in my dream as if I was trying to procure his space as my own, I realized that outside of my dream I was fighting my 76 lb bulldog for space on my bed as he had slipped up behind me and was now sleeping back to back with me. Once I got this straightened out I could hear the woman talking to another woman again.
To the front of where I was laying the floor ended and dropped down 2 or 3 feet so that anyone standing in front of you was about waist high. I began to look up now and there were 2 women talking about our current situation. One to my left and one right in front of me. As my head lifted I notice this was the person formally behind me by the tone of her voice. My eyes began at her thighs moving slowly up, she had a nice tan going and I began to notice she was wearing a blue bikini. Past the nether region I noticed a rose tattoo on the right side of her stomach, she had one of those mommy bellies where you know she had a couple of kids but was still getting after it, a little loose but still nice looking.
My eyes continued north past her huge boobs and that when I realized my medical professional and caretaker was non-other than Rachel “Fucking” Ray. yeah that Rachel Ray. She was holding in her hand was appeared to be a small scraping tool that waiters, waitresses, and bus boys use to clear tables with. This makes sense because in my own kitchen I have a similar item that is a bit larger that is made by guess who, that’s right Rachel “Fucking” Ray. Unreal.
It wasn’t much after this that I woke up. I tried like hell to finish the dream but it was no use Rachel was gone. DAMNIT.
Remind me to write up about the dream where Snoop Dog got scrambled eggs on my Sanuk shoes.